Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Running In Spite of Me...

My friend and I have been slacking...
It's been very rainy and I think we've been under the impression that running in the rain would cause us to melt into a puddle.
Not true.
So today, when we cancelled AGAIN due to rain (let's all say it together..."wimpy"), we decided to run in the afternoon...after all, it's light much later these days!
Then my daughter called.
She'd be coming by after work....OH how fun, would you like to join us on our run?
Of course she would.
She's cool like that.
So we met at the trail...where there's a loop that makes a perfect 5K...
Did I mention that we'd been slacking?
It's been a while since we'd run a full 3.1 miles...quite. a. while.
While we stretched, my daughter talked about the 10K training she wanted to do with us...
Have I mentioned that I've been snookered into running a 10K?
No, I haven't, because I'm not ready to talk about it yet.
It scares me.
Did you know that 10K is 6.2 miles.  SIX POINT TWO MILES!
More on that later.
We reminded her that we'd been slacking and that today may be a little rough for the old ladies.
We took off running...and by running, I mean jogging and by jogging I mean slowly.
I ran out of breath very quickly.
I bowed out of the conversation.
"Yeah" and "Ha!" and "Wow!" and "Really?" were all that I could muster.
Once again, I practiced listening...it's good for me.
About a mile in, I was done.
BUT...I kept going because the other two kept going...peer pressure in it's most divine form.
We were approaching the half-way point and I was dying.  No, really, I think I was literally dying.
I began to hatch a plan.
I felt like I could burst into tears at any moment.  It wouldn't take much to put me over the edge. (That's happened to me once before - the burst into tears feeling.  It's a strange phenomenon and I was feeling it.)
If I burst into tears near the little road that led to our cars, I could say "I'm sorry, I just can't make it, you two go ahead!", all the while, sobbing at my inability to complete the full 3.1 miles.  They'd say "Oh, Heather, it's okay, go back to the car and we'll meet you there"...or..."We'll just go halfway today, next time you'll be able to do it!  Don't worry!"
I saw it all clearly.  My plan could work.
As we approached the road, my friend even asked if I wanted to continue on or just do half...maybe she was hatching a plan of her own...
We came to the little road and we kept on going.  I didn't shed a tear or say a word.  I shut my weenie-a$$ self down, letting the plan die.  I've done this run dozens of times...easy peasy, right?  Well, no, not easy peasy this time, but I KNEW I could do it!!
I told myself to go to the railroad tracks....then I told myself to go to the end of the gravel road...then I told myself to go to the cross-street and then I told myself to go to the car!
And I did.
I did it because I didn't want to disappoint my running buddies.  I did it because I wanted to make my daughter proud.  I did it because I wanted to make myself proud.  I did it because I had something to prove...to me...and I did!
If you're struggling with your own negative inner chatter...shut that down!  You're stronger than you think!  I wish I could record the things I say to myself when I'm running...at the beginning I'm very negative.  "I can't do that"..."I'm so tired"..."I'll just stop when I get to ___"
Each time I chase one of those lies with some truth "I can do it"..."I won't die"...when I keep going in spite of me, or TO spite me, I am always surprised what this middle-aged body will do for me.  We don't give ourselves enough credit...probably because we don't push ourselves to see what we can accomplish...which brings me to the pesky subject of that 10K...

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