On Writing...

I've read several articles by famous authors...

About their writing process.

How do they get their novel out of their head onto the paper?

It seems to be different for everyone.

From extensive plotting and planning before the writing begins,

To just flying by the seat of their pants.

I'm more of a "Let the story tell itself" type of person.

I have a general idea of where I'm going,

But as I write, things happen naturally.

Often what happens is unexpected.

Sometimes I delete the new idea...

Sometimes I love it and it changes the direction I was going.

Sometimes I like it, but it doesn't fit where I put it.  

Maybe that should happen a little later on...

So I set that part aside to be pasted in another chapter.

I have found that I like to edit as I go.

Which is a bad thing.

And I'm trying to stop that.

It's not easy.  

I want it to be just right.

That's not a bad thing.

But it's not time for that yet!

I need to get the story onto the paper...

Then add the details and move things around.

So I struggle along.

Learning what my process is...

With stops and starts and start overs...

Until I finish...

Toni Morrison said:  "I wrote my first book because I wanted to read it." 

I want to read my book too...

And that inspires me to keep going!

Starting Over...

I've been writing a novel...
There, I said it.
I've started it over 3 times...
No, as of this week, 4.
Here's why:
1.  Perfectionism
2.  Discontentment
3.  Lots of prayer
4.  The First Five Pages by Noah Lukeman
Every time I start over - mind you, it's the same exact story, just tweaked.
I think "This is it!  I've got it this time!"
And I do until I decide I don't.
So THIS time, I've really got it.
I KNOW it this time!
I understand that this is typical writer behavior.
My situation is not unique...
which is encouraging.
I want to tell a story that will resonate...
That has a message...
That brings joy...
Mostly, though, I want to write the story I'm meant to write.
How vague is that?
Dang vague.
So here I go again...5,000 words in to version #4.
How many versions will there ultimately be?
In what year will I finally finish this work of my heart?
I don't know.
If I have my way, before I turn 50.
Wait.  That's just crazy.
But don't writers have to be a little crazy?
Excuse me, I need to get busy...

PS - If you're a writer-type, I highly recommend The First Five Pages by Noah Lukeman...even though it caused me a lot of extra work!

Writing Grace...

          It never ceases to amaze me.  A group of women enter a room.  Friends, acquaintances, and strangers.  The introductions begin and the familiar walls are erected.  Automatic self-protection.  We all do it.  Leading with our best foot.  Nothing wrong with that…

            But then the magic happens.  A woman begins to read.  It could be a work of non-fiction, a tale of real-life.  A moment of grace, a moment of fear, a time of great joy, a description of her life or an odd observation.  It could be a story of fiction.  A made-up tale of fantasy or hilarity or great mystery.  Whatever she reads, it is an intimate piece of her mind and heart.  She is in those words.  She is unveiled, unguarded and exposed…literarily naked.  She reads the words out loud and the words bless the ones who hear. The women are united by words, and as the women read, strangers and acquaintances dissolve into friends.

            The thing is, in our day to day, we aren’t always honest.  We put on a mask for those we don’t know.  We want to be accepted, to belong.  But writing…writing has a way of peeling away the layers of polish.   It’s hard to write and leave yourself out of it.  Our inner voice is always exposed.  Our characters take on our fears and angst.  They find humor in what we find funny, they are pieces of us and bits of our experiences.  So we expose ourselves.  We lay bare who we are in words and phrases until we finish reading, put down our paper and look up.  What do we expect to see in the faces of those who listen?  Blank stares?  Probably.  We never expect to be understood. 

            I usually start my reading with a disclaimer:  “I didn’t take a lot of time on this” or “This is just sort of rough and dumb”.  A way of softening the expectation. 

            But I look up from my page and I see knowing.  Relating.  Relief.  Faces that say “I’m not alone.  I’m not weird.  I’m okay.”

            Walls crumble.

            Bridges are built.

            Perfection is annihilated.

            And women are united in the truth that none of us have it all together, nor are we expected to.  God fills in the gaps with grace.  We are all gaping examples of grace.  And it’s all good. 

            That’s what writing is to me…what belonging to a writing group has done for me.  It isn’t really about writing well or writing books or gathering compliments or even being heard.  It’s about sharing.  Connecting.  Growing.  Empowering. 

            Sharing our hearts.

            Connecting with other women.

            Growing in faith and confidence.

            Empowering our witness to the world through the written word.

Happy New Year!

The first day of school has always felt more like a new year than the new year!
Even though my kids are all grown and gone,
Seeing the busses...or...
Being stuck behind the busses...
Is a reminder that the new school year is starting...
A fresh year!
My heart jumps a little and I get excited...

A new thing is happening this new year...
I'm starting a new writing group with my new friend Marialyce...
So much newness!
And although we haven't yet had our first meeting,
The response has been really good!
Apparently there are many women out there with stories to share.
Women who want to get the stories out of their heads and onto paper!
Who knew?
I had an inkling...
I was one of them once...
Lots of stories and no encouragement.
Lots of dreams and no inspiration.
Then an invitation to a writing group and the floodgates opened.
Stories spilled out.
The deluge hasn't let up!
It turns out, when you turn the faucet of creativity on,
It doesn't run out, it actually multiplies on itself...over and over...
Inspiration overload...
Until the only thing to do is share it with others.
I can't wait to get started!

Why do I do that???

So today I was asked - in front of a group - if I am published or do I write just for fun.
I said that I have been published a couple of times but I mostly write for fun.
Which is true.
Sort of.
I do write for fun.
But ultimately, I really do want what I write to be published!
So as the words flowed out of my mouth and I minimized the stuff that has been published as just little nothings...
I wanted to kick my ARSE for doing that AGAIN!

Why do I do that??
Why is it SO HARD to see myself as a writer?
I was a mom the moment I became pregnant...no experience, no successes to prove my worth...
I was a student before I learned anything.
In every paid job I ever held...cashier, assistant manager, seamstress, secretary, receptionist...etc
The title was mine before I ever proved I could do the job.
Then I began to design cards, jewelry and other artsy creations...
"What do you do?"  people would ask.
"I'm a stay-at-home mom" I would reply.
I was.
But I was also an artist...not the paint on a canvas type of artist, but an artist just the same.
People paid their hard earned money for the work of my hands...
One of my designs was featured on the cover of Handcrafted Jewelry magazine...
The cover!
Why couldn't I say it?
Why are "artist" and "writer" titles I deem too lofty for me?
I don't know.
But I'm going to work on claiming my dream...
Giving worth to my work.
Owning my endeavors as more than just something I do for fun.
I do have fun writing...I love to write.
And maybe that's part of it.
It doesn't FEEL like work,
This thing I do, fingers dancing on keys, creating words and sentences and paragraphs.
It feels a lot like fun.
But it's so much more than that.
It's a calling.
A deep desire to share what God places on my heart.
A longing to inspire other women to do the same...
To believe in their ability to write and to put their work "out there"...
"Out there" where with one set of finely positioned words, a life can be changed...
A muse awakened...
A woman, who once thought herself just a person who liked to write for fun...
Can finally say with confidence, "I'm a writer...I'm writing a novel and I submit articles for publication and I love to encourage other women in their writing too."

1 Corinthians 10:31
So, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Fiction...The Cure For "Timely Comeback Disorder"

Have you ever been faced with a situation where...
You need a comeback VERY quickly?
As the other person spoke you felt that familiar feeling...
Where your mind empties completely just as the other person ends the sentence...
and...
nothing...
For a good solid minute...or two...or five...or perhaps 24 hours...or a week...depending on the situation and relationship...
yeah, me too...
It's called "Timely Comeback Disorder"
or
"Untimely Brain Death"
or
"Duh-itis"
At least that's what I call it.
If you suffer from this syndrome...know that you are not alone.
There are many of us out there looking lame while the other person stares, satisfied with their ability to baffle...to render us dumb...if only for a moment...or two...or...well, you know the deal.
This is why I like to write fiction.
None of my characters suffer from an inability to know what to say next.
I have all the time in the world to figure it out for them.
And the person issuing the comment deserving of a quick comeback can be reduced to dust with immediate and clever rhetoric.
For someone who can rarely retort quickly and effectively, fiction is a Godsend.
Maybe writing fiction will lessen my affinity for TRYING to say something too quickly,
Have you noticed that when we TRY to be clever in a retort, the FIRST thing we think of is the LAST thing we should ever say...
Which leads me to...
I don't know about you, but I often suffer from foot IN mouth disease. (not to be confused with hoof and mouth disease)
Sometimes, ok, a lot of times, I say things off the top of my head that should have stayed inside my head, locked up, never to be uttered.
But no...
Leave it to me...
I say them.
Then I regret them.
Sometimes I beat myself up about what I've said...
So exhausting...
But fiction, oh fiction...
It is forgiving...
I can hit delete and the stupid dialog disappears...
My characters character remains in tact.
Her motives are not questioned.
She does not beat herself up.
She ALWAYS says just what she should...
mind you...
Sometimes I make her say the wrong thing...
But only when I want her to...
I can always write it to work out perfectly, no harm no foul.
Yes, It's satisfying writing fiction...
Having hindsight and foresight all at once...
Being somewhat omniscient even if it's only pretend...
And then I get stuck because...
In reality, I'm still not good at comebacks.
I have to take a break, mull over what my protagonist just said...how dare they!
I give myself some time...
and there it is...five minutes later, an hour later, the next day...
The perfect comeback...
And I can write it like it flowed off the tongue without missing a beat!
And no one is the wiser...

I'm In Print!!!

Do you see that?

That's MY name on that page!

Pardon me while I giggle....

It's the first time this has happened...yes, yes, my art was published in a magazine once but THIS, this means more to me than the cover of an art magazine...this is my HEART on a page!  

I'm thrilled.

Here's what the cover looks like...

It's a book of devotionals for the first year of college...

Here's what I wrote:

Sweet Selfishness

Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

          “Beware of the three B’s!” we warned our kids before they left for college.  Have you heard of the three B’s?  Chances are, your parents already warned you about them. 

            Booze, Bills and Babes.  The three dream killers.           You’ve heard the lectures about booze and bills.  In a nutshell, don’t drink, and live within your means, but what about those babes?

             Your parents taught you to get along with others, to share, to be helpful, kind and unselfish.  Now you’re living away from home, working toward your goals.  You may not know what your ultimate destination will look like, but you are moving in a forward direction toward success.  You live among friends and perhaps you’ve even met someone special, a “babe”, someone you hope you can build a future with.  You generously and unselfishly give them your time and attention.

            May I suggest that there is a sweet sort of selfishness that is pleasing to God? 

            Stay focused on the plan that’s been set before you, even if you aren’t yet sure of the final destination.  Distractions will come.  Friends and “babes” will try to redirect you.  They’ll entice you with loving promises or dreams they’ve planned for themselves, won’t you join them?  Too often, we decide that God must have sent these people to direct us away from our path, to a better one. Often, though, it’s a detour.  A long, bumpy road around a large messy construction zone that leads right back to the original path.   Much later, you merge onto the same road again, alone, and a little ragged and dusty.

            The college years are a time for sweet selfishness.  This type of selfishness focuses on God and you together, and His plan for your life.  Maybe God’s plan includes another person and a fusion of your dreams.  Stay in close fellowship with the Lord so you will have discernment when distraction comes.  If you are aligned with God’s plan, you will avoid unnecessary detours!


Just an additional little thing....I'm so thankful....truly grateful to God for this affirmation of my huge change of direction...away from a successful artsy fartsy art business and toward the art of writing...  I have no regrets and look forward to where this new road may lead...  

Steal Like an Artist...a book review...sort of...

I just read Steal Like an Artist - 10 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative by Austin Kleon.
It's an easy read...I finished it in a couple of days...a handful of 15 minute escapes to feast on it's pages...
Any creative type should read it.
It's inspiring.  Affirming.  Informative.
What did I like most?
Several things...
Like this:
Don't wait to know who you are to get started.
or as Nike would say...Just Do It!
and this:
Practice Productive Procrastination.
Who knew having many projects going at once actually stimulates creativity!
Hallelujah!
I also like the idea that "stealing" is good.
Francis Ford Coppola will explain:
"We want you to take from us.  We want you, at first, to steal from us, because you can't steal.  You will take what we give you and you will put it in your own voice and that's how you will find your voice.  And that's how you begin.  And then one day someone will steal from you."
And then there's this:
"Write the book you want to read."
Great advise.
I shall try.
And then there's the part about doing good work and sharing it with people.
Scary.  What if...?  Nevermind.  Courage!
I highly recommend this little book.
Its simplicity is its strength.
It's doable.  Possible.
If you have a couple of hours to be inspired, pick up this little number and enjoy every word. 

Perfectionism and other dream killers...

Those who know me would not think I am a perfectionist.
And I would agree...mostly...
I don't keep my house perfectly polished and tidy...it's clean (several days a week), but not sterile.
My laundry isn't perfectly folded and pressed - at. all.
I don't do my nails...ever. (snip, snip)
My hair...well...let's just say...I have a halo and it isn't made of gold, floating above my head.
And, honestly, by what ruler am I measuring myself...what our culture dictates?  What HGTV or Martha Stewart say my house should look like - HGTV has virtually unlimited resources and Martha, oh Martha...that kind of perfectionism is a therapists dream! Do I compare my hair with how straight and glossy Hollywood says my hair should be?  I refuse to spend 2 hours straightening my mop...besides, it makes my face look thinner...maybe...
I'm okay with all of those imperfect parts.  Unfortunately, sometimes others have commented on my imperfections...negatively...but...well...after spending years feeling hurt by the criticism of others, I've retired.  It turns out that no one and I mean NO ONE has a perfect life.  The ones pretending to be perfect and annoyed by your imperfections are the most unhappy of all.  I gained compassion for them and indifference for their criticism.  It is good.
Now the big confession.  I am, in fact, a perfectionist.
In the creative part of my life.
In my art.
In my writing.
You may have noticed that my writing isn't perfect.
I notice that too.
I published it to this public blog anyway.
It's something I'm working on.
There is no such thing as perfect and if I wait for perfect to happen, nothing will happen.
If I'm truly honest with myself, when I worry about how perfect something is, it's people I'm trying to please, not God.  God does not expect perfection.  He expects obedience.  Perfection can only occur when God looks upon our imperfect efforts, adds His grace and mercy and uses them for His glory.  Perfect!
God has placed dreams in our hearts and has generously gifted us with unique talents. He waits for us to use these gifts to fulfill the dreams He's inspired in us.  Will we expect perfection and become discouraged or will we dive in and do our imperfect best?
I challenge you to do what God has called you to do...to write, to make art, to be a mother, to work, to go to school...do it with passionate abandon...imperfectly...and while you're at it, celebrate the imperfect efforts of someone else!  The encouragement we give to others will come back to us multiplied!

Colossians 3:23, 24
Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.…

On Going Outside...

Ah, the comfort zone...that wonderful, glorified prison.

   

I love being comfortable...coasting...dreaming.  I can talk a big talk without risk, but it's only been in the last few years that I've put feet to my dreams.

I recently closed my Etsy shop...a venture that was risky when I started.  I put myself out there artistically.  Knock me over with a feather, it was successful!  Selling my creative works was also fun...inspiring...it put pennies in my pocket...but it wasn't what I was meant to do.  

I distinctly remember having a sleepover with a friend when I was in grade school.  The fun activity we decided to do was to write a book.  I wish I had saved that partially written book.  I wrote 3 or 4 chapters.  It was about babysitting and I remember that my protagonist was THRILLED to find out that the new neighbors would pay A DOLLAR AN HOUR if she babysat their child...one child!  I also remember asking my mom to come upstairs to hear our progress.  She sat patiently, listening to 10-year-old sentences strung together with 5th grade panache.  She said I had talent, a gift for writing.  My 10-year-old self didn't doubt that one day I'd write a book!

Why does our adult mind tell our childhood dreams that they are stupid, impossible, and unreachable?  Why do we listen?  Comfort.  It's comfortable to stay the same. It's pleasant to live day to day without fluttering butterflies in our stomachs or the stress of potential rejection.  Then maybe it hits us...I'm ____ (insert age here).  In 10 years I'll be 10 years older whether I tried to do that thing I've always wanted to do or not!  C.S Lewis said:  "The future is something everyone reaches at a rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is."  True, Mr. Lewis, very true.

2014 is the year of doing...of doing the things I've always told myself I would do but haven't had the guts (or is that faith?) to do.  

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6