Mrs. Fix-It...and the One Who Can...

My husband is on heavy duty blood thinners...

Big time anti-coagulants...

I have to give him shots of the stuff.

Me.

Shots.

Giving them.

I've given two so far.

It's not so bad.

But when I do it...right after it goes in...I squeeze my eyes shut.

I don't realize I'm doing it until I have to re-open them to finish the job.

Did I mention that they go into his love handles...

It's not fun for either of us.

So, he's on these mondo blood thinners and he just had surgery on his knee so...

His knee filled up with blood the other night.

The pain was/is incredible...

Imagine a charlie horse at its peak without relief...for hours...and hours...and days...

I hate...no, loathe seeing my husband in pain.

His once functional and useful leg has turned into a heavy misshapen appendage...
A liability...
Something to be managed and appeased.

His life revolves around finding a comfortable position.  

That. is. all. he. does.

That, and watching the clock for his next pain pill.

I heard him laughing at an SNL rerun a few hours ago and I can't tell you how happy I was...he was laughing...it was music...

So last night at the hospital, he was in utter pain and discomfort...

His eyes were a little crazy...it really broke my heart.

I couldn't help.

He was looking for a comfortable position.

I was quiet...looking...examining...

Pillows.

Blankets.

Mattress.

Angles.

Positions.

What if?

How about?

Trying every position in my mind so I could fix it for him.

If he put a pillow here and moved the head of the bed up and the feet down it would relieve the pressure there and ...

I couldn't figure it out.

I suggested a few things.

No, that wouldn't work.

Nothing does.

After an hour or more of trying to work the puzzle, it occurred to me that we could pray.

So we did.

It wasn't a magic elixir...his pain didn't leave when we said "Amen".

But we felt God's presence in the pain.

It brought some kind of peace.

And later, after I'd gone home, the pain got worse.

Unbearably worse.

He said he felt God's hand on his shoulder...literally...

It comforted him.

Even through the pain.

Eventually, it subsided...they gave him a very generous amount of pain meds...

An ER doc came up and wrapped it in a magical sort of way that encouraged the muscles to relax a bit...

He slept.

Hard.
Briefly.
And today...tonight...he does it all over...hopefully it won't be quite so excruciating...
Maybe tomorrow it will be less painful...
Maybe not...
The doctor said the blood is coagulated in his knee and must be absorbed...
It takes weeks and weeks...
I can't fix it.
He can't fix it.
It will resolve with time and while it does,
We will draw near to the One who brings comfort in the pain...