Fiction...The Cure For "Timely Comeback Disorder"

Have you ever been faced with a situation where...
You need a comeback VERY quickly?
As the other person spoke you felt that familiar feeling...
Where your mind empties completely just as the other person ends the sentence...
and...
nothing...
For a good solid minute...or two...or five...or perhaps 24 hours...or a week...depending on the situation and relationship...
yeah, me too...
It's called "Timely Comeback Disorder"
or
"Untimely Brain Death"
or
"Duh-itis"
At least that's what I call it.
If you suffer from this syndrome...know that you are not alone.
There are many of us out there looking lame while the other person stares, satisfied with their ability to baffle...to render us dumb...if only for a moment...or two...or...well, you know the deal.
This is why I like to write fiction.
None of my characters suffer from an inability to know what to say next.
I have all the time in the world to figure it out for them.
And the person issuing the comment deserving of a quick comeback can be reduced to dust with immediate and clever rhetoric.
For someone who can rarely retort quickly and effectively, fiction is a Godsend.
Maybe writing fiction will lessen my affinity for TRYING to say something too quickly,
Have you noticed that when we TRY to be clever in a retort, the FIRST thing we think of is the LAST thing we should ever say...
Which leads me to...
I don't know about you, but I often suffer from foot IN mouth disease. (not to be confused with hoof and mouth disease)
Sometimes, ok, a lot of times, I say things off the top of my head that should have stayed inside my head, locked up, never to be uttered.
But no...
Leave it to me...
I say them.
Then I regret them.
Sometimes I beat myself up about what I've said...
So exhausting...
But fiction, oh fiction...
It is forgiving...
I can hit delete and the stupid dialog disappears...
My characters character remains in tact.
Her motives are not questioned.
She does not beat herself up.
She ALWAYS says just what she should...
mind you...
Sometimes I make her say the wrong thing...
But only when I want her to...
I can always write it to work out perfectly, no harm no foul.
Yes, It's satisfying writing fiction...
Having hindsight and foresight all at once...
Being somewhat omniscient even if it's only pretend...
And then I get stuck because...
In reality, I'm still not good at comebacks.
I have to take a break, mull over what my protagonist just said...how dare they!
I give myself some time...
and there it is...five minutes later, an hour later, the next day...
The perfect comeback...
And I can write it like it flowed off the tongue without missing a beat!
And no one is the wiser...